One Flower

Many years ago when we were married for only a few years, we lived in San Francisco. One of the many advantages of living in that fantastic city is the easy access to flowers. There are many flower stands on the street corners downtown and flower shops are in every neighborhood. A gift of flowers always helps a marriage. One just needs to take the time to stop and buy some or make the telephone call to order a bouquet for the one you love.

My husband worked downtown in the financial district. I was at home, near Golden Gate Park, taking care of our small children. I soon learned that, if he was holding one of his hands behind his back when he arrived home, he had a surprise for me. Usually a precious small bunch of violets. What a loving and romantic gesture. I loved it...and him!

Later we moved back to the Midwest and flowers were not as easy to obtain. That made it extra special when he sent flowers to me. Sometimes I surprised him and sent a rose in a bud vase to his office. He also appreciated my thoughtfulness.

Then years later we moved back to San Francisco and there was a florist shop on the first floor of our building! That is when we discovered the joy of the gift of just one flower. Since they were so easy to obtain, my husband began to be more selective and would try to find just one perfect flower. We soon found that we loved the charm of just one rose, one calla lily or one gladiola. We found the buds on the latter open gradually from the bottom to the top. It was such fun to watch the whole flower unfold.

A young man, who is a family friend, lived with us for a couple of months and was impressed that sometimes Bill brought home a bunch of daffodills from the grocery store to surprise me. Since then when we have visited this man in his own home, he always tries to have daffodills there to greet us. It is a symbol to him of the love he saw us share and the good times we enjoyed together.

So to put some extra fun into your relationship, try bringing home a bouquet or get into the habit of surprising your loved one with one very special flower. This kind of thoughtfulness leads to long and happy marriages.

Holding Hands

Some people do not like to show affection in public. That is fine, if that is their choice. However, my husband and I have been holding hands in public since we were dating. That was over fifty years ago. It is a very comfortable thing for us to do.

You may have seen our new president and his wife holding hands as they walked down the street after the inauguration. The media continues to comment on the special relationship they share. It is perhaps a more contemporary partnership than the one Ronald Regan and his wife, Nancy, had. However, the Regan's also held hands in public. I always thought it set a good example for our nation.

The important thing for the marriage/relationship is not showing affection in public, it is that you do frequently show affection to each other. And let me say here, this has nothing to do with sex. Holding hands, giving a hug, touching a shoulder as you pass, these are all ways to remind your husband or wife that you love them and that they are very special to you.

If you have children, it is especially important for them to see you show affection in your home. They know that you hug and kiss them and so they will feel it is the normal thing for their parents to hug and kiss. And you will be good role models for them to use as they grow up and have a relationship of their own. When they see evidence of your love for each other, it will definitely make them feel more secure. I always knew whenever one of our children had heard about a divorce at school. They never came home and just stated that "Johnny's parents are getting divorced. " Instead, they would come and find me, usually as I was preparing supper, and ask "Mommy, are you and Daddy ever going to get a divorce?" They left happily to go back to playing after I had assured them that we were not going to get a divorce. It also helped to reinforce this when their Dad walked in that evening and I met him at the door with a kiss.

I was reminded about holding hands while at church last Sunday. Our priest had commented about Valentine's Day. He said he knew that it was over, but he hoped that all of the couples there, would hold hands as they left the church. He said, by doing that, we would be showing honor for the sacrament of marriage. I had never thought of it in that way, my husband and I just knew it was one way we expressed our love for each other. Holding hands and showing your love definitely helps one to have a long and happy marriage.

Gifts/Communication

Our Valentine gift surprises turned out to be much more fun than we had anticipated. I am delighted with mine and my husband is very, very pleased with my choices for him. I received a utility lighter to be used for candles, a wonderful bath mitt and an adorable little plush bear. I chose a package of three Joe Boxer undershorts and a paperback crossword puzzle book for him. Now let me explain a little because you are probably saying why are these people delighted with these gifts. Well, when we discussed this idea, I said that I did not care if my gifts were practical in order to give him some guidance. I had noticed some nice kitchen items in the Valentine's Day ad and wanted to let him know that a practical gift would be O.K. Here comes the communication part of this post. I mentioned the word "practical" so he would know that I would not be disappointed if the gift was not "personal". Through the years many men have gotten themselves into quite a bit of trouble by choosing the wrong gift for some special occasion. Even my sainted father. I will never forget the Christmas when his gift to my mother was an electric popcorn popper. I can still understand his thinking. We all loved popcorn. An electric one was a new invention and would make the popping easier for my mother. She however, saw a gift the whole family could use and it was not just for her. It did not make her feel special and it did not, in her eyes, validate his love for her. After that, I started finding a minute alone with my Dad before special days, so I could whisper to him that "Mommy wants something personal". At age nine, I was not taking any more chances. Of course their marriage survived, but it had been an uncomfortable time for all of us. The lesson to be learned, is that in all relationships, it is important to tell the other person what you want. Whether it is a relationship with your husband, boyfriend, parent, coworker or boss. You have a very slim chance of getting what you want in this life if you do not say what you want. Do not make the other person guess what you would like. Many years ago wives were known to say, "if he doesn't know what I want then I'm certainly not going to tell him". I guess the message was that, if the husband really loved her enough, he would know what she wanted. Wrong. Tell people what you want. It is a short cut to improving all relationships. Now back to our gifts. I love candles and he has seen me struggle for years with matches. I wanted a lighter, but would just never have purchased one for myself. It was not a need and I was fine with the matches. So to finally own one of my own is a real thrill for me. It even has a bendable front to reach candles in deep glass containers. I immediately lit the five votive candles on the coffee table and we opened the rest of our gifts with ambiance! I love baths and so the mitt was easy to buy and I love stuffed bears. I do not have a large collection, but there are seven or eight around that remind me of special times. I name all of them with names beginning with the letter "B". So the new one, that is now sitting on the vanity in my bathroom, is named Beauregard or Beau for short...as my husband will always be my beau. My husband did have to admit that he had gone over our ten dollar limit by a dollar or so. He was very impressed that my gifts for him totaled $8.67. So we decided that it all evened out. The bargain price on the shorts was the reason I knew he would be thrilled with them. Three pair for under five dollars is the best. He loves a bargain in socks and underwear. And after all, they are Joe Boxer. The reason they had been marked down from $19.99 was that they were supposed to be a Christmas item. Every box contained one plaid, one striped and one with Christmas design...tree lights or reindeer. But, I was able to find a package in his size with the seasonal design being a deep blue pair with faint snowflakes on them. And blue is his favorite color! We laughed and had a grand time with our treats. But always remember that you need to tell people what you want in order to have any relationship be long and happy.

Valentine's day

This Saturday will be February 14th, Valentine's day. For anyone dating, engaged or married, it is the official day to celebrate your relationship. We have been married for over 50 years and have celebrated this day in so many different ways. Sometimes with the very traditional flowers or dinner at our favorite restaurant or by going to a movie. Sometimes we have been more creative. Last year we made bookmarks for each other. However, my husband's first choice is celebrating without the use of markers, stickers or glue. This year we decided to do something we have never done before. Last Sunday we noticed that our local K-Mart had great Valentine ads. So we decided that we would set a limit of ten dollars and find a gift for each other. We set up some rules. The gift, or gifts, had to be under the ten dollar limit. However, if the taxes took the total over the limit, that would be fine. What fun we had!! With a limit, one has to be creative. The lower the limit the more creative one needs to be. In retrospect, five dollars or even one dollar would have made us really creative. After searching for quite some time, I made two selections which totaled $8.67. And that included tax!! Did I mention that we each went into the store separately? This added to the adventure and the surprise effect we hoped for. Wow, I can't wait until Saturday to find out what surprise is waiting for me. I really hope that my husband likes his treats. Maybe you still have time to try this or perhaps you may do it next year. Whatever you do to celebrate, it is important to say "I love you" in some way every day all year through. That is one of the real secrets to a long and happy relationship.

Courtesy

Years ago when men and women were courting/dating they followed different rules of etiquette than young people today. Men always opened doors for a lady. Men tipped their hats when they met a woman and removed their hats when in an elevator. Today men seldom wear hats! But there are still some simple rules to follow that improve any relationship before and after marriage. No matter what your age, I am sure that one of the earliest things you were taught was to say "Please" and "Thank you". Just continuing to say those simple words can really make a difference when dating and, more importantly, after marriage. Whenever I ask my husband to do anything, I always try to begin by saying please. He does the same thing for me. And when he does something, whether big or small, I try to say thank you. Even after 50 years, it still makes both of us feel better each day when we take the time to be polite. It shows that we respect each other and care about each others feelings. It also lets the other person know that you value what they do. Every single morning, sometime while we are eating breakfast, my husband will thank me for preparing such a nice meal. I would prepare it anyway, but it really makes me feel special when he does that. And here I must admit that in our household, my husband handles the dishwasher. He took over that task years ago. I always try everyday to thank him for handling that. These are just two examples of when there is an opportunity to be polite and keep our relationship healthy and happy. Try to find times in your relationship when you can say please and thank you and see if it does not make both of you feel better... and also very special.

Choosing the right person

The best way to have a happy marriage is to marry the right person. That seems like it would be obvious, but how many times have you heard a friend say they think the person they are dating will "change" after they are married? That just does not happen! So be very careful about the person that you choose to live with for the rest of your life. Be sure to take your time. Most happy marriages are between two people who have spent time getting to really know each other. I definitely relaxed when our future daughter-in-law told me that she was marrying her best friend. I knew that if she and our son were best friends, the odds were in their favor that they would have a long and happy marriage. The best tip I can offer today is to be sure you marry your best friend. That is a great start to a great marriage.

50th anniversary

My husband and I recently celebrated our 50th anniversary. We were a little surprised when so many friends, neighbors and family members asked us the secret to a long and happy marriage. This made us stop and consider just how we had reached this goal/milestone. We are not experts on marriage, but we have learned some things through the years. We instantly agreed that a sense of humor is absolutely necessary. No matter what the situation, if you can somehow find some humor in it then you will be able to handle it much better. So if you are in a relationship and are wondering if this is the correct person to marry, stop and think about whether you share the same sense of humor. This blog will be aimed at those who are contemplating sharing their life with someone and would like a little information from someone who has been married for a long time. With the divorce rate so high in our country, I thought you might like a few tips.

Years ago, our daughter shared a memory with us. She said when she was a child she recognized that from time to time her parents had a disagreement. She found this disconcerting and it concerned her. However, she began to realize that at some point in the argument, her father would say something and I would laugh and then she knew that everything was alright in her world again. As an adult, she asked us what it was that he said that made me laugh. We explained that in each instance it was something different. He knew how to fine the humor for that situation. I suppose that on some occasions I said something that made him laugh and brought about harmony in our lives again. Laughter is not only a healthy thing for a relationship but doctors now believe that laughter is also healthy for our bodies. Some places people are gathering together just for the purpose of laughing and improving their health. So the tip for today is be sure the two of you can make each other laugh.