Gifts/Communication

Our Valentine gift surprises turned out to be much more fun than we had anticipated. I am delighted with mine and my husband is very, very pleased with my choices for him. I received a utility lighter to be used for candles, a wonderful bath mitt and an adorable little plush bear. I chose a package of three Joe Boxer undershorts and a paperback crossword puzzle book for him. Now let me explain a little because you are probably saying why are these people delighted with these gifts. Well, when we discussed this idea, I said that I did not care if my gifts were practical in order to give him some guidance. I had noticed some nice kitchen items in the Valentine's Day ad and wanted to let him know that a practical gift would be O.K. Here comes the communication part of this post. I mentioned the word "practical" so he would know that I would not be disappointed if the gift was not "personal". Through the years many men have gotten themselves into quite a bit of trouble by choosing the wrong gift for some special occasion. Even my sainted father. I will never forget the Christmas when his gift to my mother was an electric popcorn popper. I can still understand his thinking. We all loved popcorn. An electric one was a new invention and would make the popping easier for my mother. She however, saw a gift the whole family could use and it was not just for her. It did not make her feel special and it did not, in her eyes, validate his love for her. After that, I started finding a minute alone with my Dad before special days, so I could whisper to him that "Mommy wants something personal". At age nine, I was not taking any more chances. Of course their marriage survived, but it had been an uncomfortable time for all of us. The lesson to be learned, is that in all relationships, it is important to tell the other person what you want. Whether it is a relationship with your husband, boyfriend, parent, coworker or boss. You have a very slim chance of getting what you want in this life if you do not say what you want. Do not make the other person guess what you would like. Many years ago wives were known to say, "if he doesn't know what I want then I'm certainly not going to tell him". I guess the message was that, if the husband really loved her enough, he would know what she wanted. Wrong. Tell people what you want. It is a short cut to improving all relationships. Now back to our gifts. I love candles and he has seen me struggle for years with matches. I wanted a lighter, but would just never have purchased one for myself. It was not a need and I was fine with the matches. So to finally own one of my own is a real thrill for me. It even has a bendable front to reach candles in deep glass containers. I immediately lit the five votive candles on the coffee table and we opened the rest of our gifts with ambiance! I love baths and so the mitt was easy to buy and I love stuffed bears. I do not have a large collection, but there are seven or eight around that remind me of special times. I name all of them with names beginning with the letter "B". So the new one, that is now sitting on the vanity in my bathroom, is named Beauregard or Beau for short...as my husband will always be my beau. My husband did have to admit that he had gone over our ten dollar limit by a dollar or so. He was very impressed that my gifts for him totaled $8.67. So we decided that it all evened out. The bargain price on the shorts was the reason I knew he would be thrilled with them. Three pair for under five dollars is the best. He loves a bargain in socks and underwear. And after all, they are Joe Boxer. The reason they had been marked down from $19.99 was that they were supposed to be a Christmas item. Every box contained one plaid, one striped and one with Christmas design...tree lights or reindeer. But, I was able to find a package in his size with the seasonal design being a deep blue pair with faint snowflakes on them. And blue is his favorite color! We laughed and had a grand time with our treats. But always remember that you need to tell people what you want in order to have any relationship be long and happy.